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Bros I need to be serious for a minute.
I think I'm actually in love with my oshi. This isn't just, "haha she's cute, I like watching her", this isn't just physical attraction or anything. When I watch her, it just makes me feel happy in a special way I haven't felt about a woman in a really long time. And when I think about the fact that we will never, EVER be together, it makes my chest hurt in a way I can't describe. I'm not a unicorn, I don't have this delusion that she's my e-gf or that she ever will be more than just an avatar I interact with on the computer screen. But that's why it hurts, because I'm accepting a reality I don't want.