>>92026875>>92029794I took a look into it since i had some time. The fetish isnt for me so take this opinion from someone that wasnt jorking it to all the huuuuh flavorful content.
I feel like you got the girls extremely well. Down to mannerisms and how they act...which makes this fic funny? I think you went for that "japanese doujin with weird comedy" angle and that works for this occation. I mean i had a chuckle or two, even if i dont particularly care for Fubuki's massive dong. Dunno how people would feel with this much comedic dialogue but i didnt mind it
I do feel like the start is pointless since its just a massive explanation that ultimately just doesnt make a lick of sense if magic is a thing that happens just a few seconds later and later on shows up again. Aside from that, maybe you should dial back the "doujin mannerisms" and save them for when it truly "hits".
The ending segment with the
impregnations is a good example where it feels deserved, while on other parts it might take people out of it.
So i guess good job?
