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Hey liggas I'm posting this right in the middle of a big drama shitstorm so no one sees. I'm highly considering killing myself as soon as I work up the courage. I needed to buy some pants because all mine have holes in them and my card was declined because I have two dollars to my name. I have no hope of getting a job because I have almost zero job history at the age of 30. I've tried sending applications for years but they all get ignored. I'm a complete parasite on my family, I can tell that any genuine connection and love I ever had with them have long since been replaced with hate, annoyance and disappointment. I have never been able to form a connection with any other person. People don't like being around me and I've given up trying to reach out to people. I don't know how to be friends with other people. It goes without saying I've never had a girlfriend. I don't enjoy anything anymore, none of my interests or hobbies do anything for me. I can't be happy. I just look at stuff online all day until it's time to go to bed. Vtubers don't fill the void of loneliness anymore, it just makes me feel depressed. I feel awful that I've never been able to support any of the vtubers I watch, it feels like I don't even count as a fan. I'm not active in chat and I can never donate, the only time I've ever been acknowledged was by my oshi referencing my 4chan posts twice. That was sweet of her. I'm a completely maladjusted manchild with the social skills and palette of a toddler, and spend almost all my time in my own little world. My own thoughts are becoming increasingly deranged and it's starting to scare me. I don't recognize myself anymore. I feel incredibly lonely, depressed, angry, anxious all at once basically all the time. I'd say my life is over but I don't really think it ever started. I'm only posting this here because I don't have any other real social outlet and the thread is about to end. Enjoy your Sinder stream. See you next time.
