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It's weird... like, off-stream I feel somewhat at peace, even if still sad, about everything. But the moment I tune into the stream it feels like a dream for a split second, like I'll still be able to see Pomu forever and things are good, right before I feel like a punch in my chest, the reality of he situation kind of hits harder than any moment beforehand and I have to stop watching. It takes me a few good tries before I can actually sit down and enjoy the stream, it's been like that the past couple weeks. I know she'll be happy, and things will get better, but I hate this so, so, so, so, so much.
