>>83046057NTA, but ive dated before in highschool so i wasnt unfamilar with love, even sex, but then because of my job for the best part of a decade i had little to no social interaction with women. At some point i used regular streamers to satisfy that lack, and it paved way to get to know and love them online. Which is normal enough in my opinion if youre dumb enough to believe their persona being genuine. Vtubers were just my natural progression from streamers because i was already a giant weeb and MMD videos were basically holding my semen hostage at the time. So virtual women controlled my heart and dick. And its not that i have any delusions of being with them. For me its more of finding those small pockets of intinacy that remind me of the love ive had, the intimacy ive experienced, and even pervading the dreams to cement it as something that makes me happy. Even when things got ugly and drama started souring it, the dumb emotions kept coming back. At some point i think i just gave up on dating and intimacy, but thats when it got worse, when a cute girl who shares your hobbies happens to say the exact words you needed to hear when your vulnerable, it kinda ignites that whole messy love experience all over again. A vig part of it is masochism because i know down the road theres only pain, but thats gonna be life so ill just stay on this rise till i die or some autistic woman rips me off the rails
