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I sometimes wonder how it is possible for me to love someone this much even if I don't know them irl... thinking about them makes my heart sing. I always find myself smiling whenever I'm watching his stream. I respond to his blabbering as if we're in a private call together. I laughed like a lunatic alone which confuses my friends whenever we touch grass and I have my earphones plugged because he's streaming. How is this even possible? How can someone like him makes my life slightly better than normal? Even when it gets hard, I momentarily forget all of my problems because he's there to distract from life. Sometimes, I just want to be involved with him personally, but I know having that thought cross my mind is not a good sign. It's like an obsession but it's not the unhealthy kind. I don't always get upset whenever he goes on break unless I am on my period, I don't miss him enough to become a dysfunctional member of the society. Yet at the end of the day, my thoughts would always go back to him. I start my day with his gm and end it with his gn or random tweets. I wonder if feeling like this is normal for some. I don't even want to become romantically involved with someone because I believe whatever I have with him is enough to meet my needs for love and affection from the opposite sex. In my daily life, he's always there. He's everywhere. From my walls, electronic devices, cabinets, and bags... Whenever I go to the supermarkets, I see one thing and be like "Oh this is the snacks he likes a lot.” or "He uses this product, should I buy it?" I don't know how he creeped into my life, my mind, deep into the microscopic version of myself... I can't even think or talk about Australia, Japan, video games, or food without associating it to him.
Life has changed so much since he came into my life. He feels so intimate to me but at the same time he feels distant. It's like one time I feel like we're very close but then there are moments when I realized there are tons of obstacles that separate us.
Anyways, It's time to end my late night thoughts. So gn husband. gn anons.
