>>49077023I want to type a comment, but I know it will just be used in bad faith, so I'm just going to say whatever comes to my mind here in the very small chance Fauna would end up seeing it.
"Even though what you said wasn't bad, it made me feel like total garbage. It made me feel unlovable and not enough. The fact hat an anime girl on the internet couldn't even pretend to be my friend or enjoy my company. I'd like to think I'm doing ok for myself. I have a handful of friends, going through education, have a job, but I'm not good enough to have an anime girl on the internet pretend to be my friend.
I, like many, use vtubers and streamers for escapism. I know that we're really not friends, that you'll never know my name, see my face, or hold a conversation with me. Everybody who watched you knows that. But to have a 10 minute lecture on why you assume I'm a friendless loner makes me fell like dogshit. Its insulting.
I feel like I'm never enough all the time in my real life, so to have be lectured to by a vtuber about having friend and meeting people really falls on deaf ears.
Watching you has given me a reason to get out of bed on many days, many nights I literally dream of you. I know its weird but I cant control what I dream of, or what gives me motivation to get out of bed each morning. So to have an idol in my life say that we'll never be friends, not even a white lie, or a sliver of hope, is soul crushing. I don't even get the chance to delude myself.
Lastly the part about not befriending streamers, that one is bullshit. Not to say people should go into streams with the intention of finding a friend, but one can consider the entity that is chat as a friend, that's not farfetched. I know a handful of streamers personally, the ones I've talked to seem to be really pleasant people. Fuck, I've even helped multiple make goddam D&D characters before. So to say just because of one's profession that they are unavailable be befriended is arbitrary. Unless of course you're also a streamer, then things seem to be different. You need to be in the club to become a friend I suppose. We're not good enough to be your friend, but if you have 4 millions subscribers and are a blue shark named Gura, you get to bypass the "never meet your heroes" and "streamers aren't your friend" rule. Its hypocritical. Also knowing about your past, this whole thing is fucking bullshit and you know it, you had a fucking gaggle of streamer friends, but against its different if you're part of the fucking club. Fuck off and let me enjoy my self delusion. It wasn't hurting anybody. I never typed cringe shit in chat or supers. I never bothered anybody with it. It was my little parasocial relationship that I kept to myself, that kept me sane, that got me out of bed in the morning, and exited to sleep so I might dream of you."
