Even if he knew they wouldn't, he knocked a few more times on the door, shouting Zali's and Vanta's names in hopes that they might back up from their plan and let him out. The door was locked, and Wilson was trying everything to not look at you on the other side of the room. Not that you really registered much of it, as you were passing in and out of consciousness, your entire body on fire as you were tightly wrapped in a blanket. Eventually the silence, only interrupted by your labored breathing, must have become too unbearable for him and he made an effort to move towards you.
"I didn't ask you to wait for me, you know!"
Despite his words he knelt down next to the bed, taking a towel to gently dab your face, feeling the temperature on your forehead. His gulping cued you in to the fact that somewhere in his brain he was reconsidering his stance.
"...you're an idiot."
It was neither an insult nor a playful jab, yet neither a neutral description of what you were but the only word he found within his vocabulary to describe your behavior towards him.
You stayed up all night, waiting on him, worrying for him, standing outside on the fire escape in the rain only wearing your work uniform and shielded from the rain by an umbrella. Wilson knew that the dozens of sirens blaring through the city that night were unrelated to him and their mission that night, only you didn't. And when three of them showed up at your doorstep, covered in blood and dirt, and you scrambled to ask him what had happened, he had pushed you away because to him, in that moment, you were an idiot. A young woman that worried way too much about a guy who only pushed her away and never told her why he was always gone and returned half-dead was an idiot, wasn't she? And as much as he loathed himself for walking all over you, he only saw a woman who had no real reason for this behavior. It's not like you were a couple or anything. Hadn't you said so...
"I'm sorry."
...yourself...?
Still on his knees, Wilson turned his face to avoid your gaze, his mind racing with how close your faces had gotten, how your nose had brushed against his. His hand still rested on your cheek, a gesture slightly too intimate to just take back, and you wondered if this was going to be the end of it, the height of your time together. Tomorrow, he would be gone forever, having ripped Zali, and Vanta from your life along with him, wouldn't he? He would have taken everything from you and left you with nothing. And your mother, who had allowed those three random young men into her heart, treating them like sons, would be inconsolable, never renting out that room again. Even when you had somehow accepted weeks ago that this was just part of your life together, that him, Zali, and Vanta would just vanish and return, he still believed that he owed you the truth that he couldn't give you without putting you in danger, deciding that he would rather break your heart forever than not be truthful.
And in your fevered mind, somewhere in the back of it at the very least, you knew that it would never be him. Why would he? He had done everything to push back, to ignore, to not see what you held out directly in front of him and you were still expecting a grandiose finale where it would be him finally making the first move, finally relieving the tension between the both of you? Yeah, he was right, you were an idiot. But even an idiot could decide to stop being stupid.
"...-ah!"
His face was contorted in fear - from confusion to shock to a deep, visceral fear of what you were doing, why you were doing it, and how you imagined going back to normal if you pulled through, as your fingers lightly scratched against his scalp, running through his hair, pulling his head towards yours, your pursed lips brushing against his that were pulled back in a snarl that he knew he couldn't hold for long. More than anything, he was scared of the inability to claim ignorance any longer. What could have been chalked up to obliviousness previously would now appear cruel, and what had appeared cruel before, such as staying away for days without ever letting you know when he would return, would now be profoundly evil. And still, he didn't pull back, allowing you to lock his head in place in front of yours, his heroic resolve of keeping you away finally giving in.
You mentally cursed him when Vanta theatrically performed a reaction of shock and surprise that made Wilson's head snap back up. You had used up all your energy in the past minutes with him and so could only watch as Wilson stumbled to his feet, staggering away from you with that same horrified look on his face and dashing out of the room, leaving you alone once again.
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