>>104936277Armchair shit incoming, but: My read on Filian for a while has been that she is *very* grateful to her community and feels a strong responsibility towards them, driving her to work very hard and be her own harshest critic, which coupled with an already bad self image seems to have this effect that she considers "herself" to be not enough. I'd assume she doesn't think about the whole streaming thing as people tuning in for her, but for the show, because she herself is a bad, boring, uninteresting nobody, or however she would describe herself (On a side note, this is also apparent when she asks other streamers why their viewers watch them just yap for hours on end, which she has been confused about and asked multiple times in the past). So I assume that in her mind turning into an impersonal content machine IS her way of showing how much she appreciates her community, and this feeds in on itself because she cultivates the kind of audience who'd be interested in that. To put it like this, I think she is worried, perhaps even scared, that her being more personal would put people off or just be "not enough" and therefore plays up the impersonal, loud, self harm, self depreceating shit. I'd assume she's genuine when saying this is her way of giving back, but the way it comes off, cause people cannot read your mind, is that you are emotionally distancing yourself from it all and only viewing it as an obligation that you don't want interfering with your daily life, and they'll respond accordingly: see this thread (or the general's state) or the little engagement she gets for community stuff without throwing money at it, and even then not getting that much. People don't want money from her, they want *her*. I know this is not going to happen with her, but imagine if the prizes for the winners of something like the greenscreen compettiion was something like playing a game with her, we would've seen fucking cinematic masterpieces. Hell *I* would have practiced editing and put god knows how many hours into it for that, but as it stands the biggest reason I had for wnating to participate was feeling bad for not getting that many submissions.
Rant's over, I'm a silly li'l guy who smacks it to Filian so feel free to ignore bleh :P
