>>10834767>>10835020 here. I nutted so god damn hard. We've been absolutely STARVED for non-psycho Suisex so I'm incredibly happy you've written this.On the objective side, your grammar and punctuation are as perfect as can reasonably be, and your verbosity does you great credit. The story flows smoothly from start to finish and at no point did I think events jumped ahead out-of-sequence. You maintained a great pace and had fitting dialogue for introduction, smut and conclusion.
I love your prose and the aggressive attitude you took towards Anon's observations and treatment of Suisei's posterior, culminating in some really sexy dirty talk towards the end. Spacing each line and the onomatopoeia served to emphasize it well, and in particular was helpful in keeping the scene vivid in my imagination.
I've got a couple of quibbles. As others have noted, Suisei is a little out-of-character, but it's not bad at all and I didn't mind. To summarize my thoughts in an analogy, it's as if Suisei's personality was replaced with character creation's 'default girlfriend' setting; it's not as if she took a 180 degree turn and started yammering like Ollie or something.
My penultimate personal pet peeve, however, is the senseless jamming of foreign objects into orifices. On a smaller scale, I'm referring to Anon jamming two fingers into her without foreplay - she wouldn't be wet enough for two fingers and it would hurt - but most of all I'm thinking of is Anon surprise-ramming his dick into her unprepared asshole. What have games taught us, anon? You can't sneak attack someone from behind without causing critical damage! Her unrelaxed sphincter would have been in agony, and it may have outright caused a tear. You also don't lube just your dick up - it's extremely important to work fingers covered with spit or lube in one-by-one, slowly easing it up before actually penetrating.
But that's it for negativity. This was a fantastic read and I blasted off one thick, sticky rope to it. Bless you, Anon.
