>>107851963I appreciate this a lot. I think she banned me because she's a little scared and a bit insulted, probably pretty icky feeling.
>>107852405<3
Today I'm in a better mood, I spent a lot of time with my family and had a lot of laughs. I related to people in a way I never knew before and I'm giddy and eager to share it. My current favorite color is red, I had a lot of red thoughts today, angry, hot, strong, but also sweet and loving and caring thoughts. Some are worth sharing more than others, some I think are kind of funny. I was making a rap song called art hoe for a minute it goes
make art hoe
make art hoe
make art hoe
that art hoe
her art hoed
got art hoes
made art though
make art hoe
how many art hoes?
as many as I slept with, roughly, it was probably a lot more but that's how many times I was thinking of repeating it, made a little rhythm to it on my steering wheel. It's funny thinking what it applied to and how different I feel now. I spent an entire day without my phone, without a screen, just living, go live people. I offered my brother his passed father's old coat I was wearing, he said it looks better on me, I've been calling him no clue because that was his answer to me asking what he'd call himself as a musician, he laughed. Anyway, back on topic, or off it, I'm kind of giving you a little window into my soul, trying to stab into someone else's, they know who they are. I tried some cheap cigars, I think I like them more than my pipes, I was smoking for a hot minute, I went through 3 of them in no time. I've been thinking about time a lot, what's worth time, what isn't, I'm confronting the precipice of death in a way a lot of people won't know or see, but you're here with me so I offer you my experience and knowledge. I hit my little nephew on the head with some wrapping paper, we were pretend sword fighting, he said he won even though I hit him a good dozen times but he only crossed swords with me, didn't come close to "winning" I was happy to let him have it though. His favorite color is also red, mine used to be green, I think I was just feeling greedy though, now I feel passionate, creative. I created a couple new words with my mom, sadisfying, and well this isn't a new word, more of an idea, but a good one, asynchronous is a synchronous thing. I have lots of good ideas, and bad ones, like anyone, but definitely get them out there, whatever way you choose. I went to a french bakery, I got these for my family, they reminded me of faelie's macaron handcam stream, they probably weren't as good as hers, but I enjoyed them and shared them with my family, the half eaten one was all my mom wanted, she always said they were too rich, sometimes I feel too rich, I'm happy to unload a bit. The restaurant we ate at had the most delicious lobster gnocchi, it had me crying in front of everyone, and ravenously tearing at it like a beast, it was so fascinating to the family sitting a table away from us, they asked me about it, I just said it was dang good, we all smiled and had a laugh about it. They were very stylish, I've been going around a bit of a slob, but I'll get my style back. My eyes are as good as anybodies. Got some hugs from my grandma, we had deep conversations, about life, I'll leave them up to your imagination, but also she did a lot that depressed me, she said she felt homeless, I felt we were at home, I had to remind her, she's at home, we have a good home and we should love and enjoy it as long as we've got. People are always taking a lot for granted, and forgetting a lot, I'm exploring memory with my dying uncle, he recalls the most fascinating things, and does the most fascinating things, but is also like seeing a child again. Most of his memory is oh this or that, or I would have shot you sneaking up on me like that, a lot of times he just trails off, he has a remote for a tv in the other room, and a tv in front of his bed he stares at but that doesn't work. I don't have time to tell you much about him, or space, but he also lead a very lonely depressing life, I'm kind of forcing myself on him even being there to help. I'm the only person that cares like this though. I showed my grandma the whitest kids you know pimp pun disaster sketch, she had the biggest frown and static unmoved face you could imagine, but I talked about eating whored'oeuvres later when I was hungry and she busted out laughing heartily, it was neat, and kind of cute, and sweet, it made me happy for a bit, we can all be happy for a bit, and sad for a bit, and everything all at once, or nothing, and nobody, that's kind of what I'm learning and facing with right now
