https://files.catbox.moe/olwcoe.mp4I just watched the people I cared about, the people they consider friends, just fuck them over
a girl i considered my friend is fucking jealous of me. doesn't ever wanna talk to me, never considered me her friend.
then fucking schizo's out, having a fucking menhera melty, wants to leave.
and it's just like, I dunno... do I just do this thing?
I just look at her and I just see myself, and inbetween all of this it's just like,
eugh...
i think it's impossible, just seriously, just impossible.
cause just like, what are the people around us going to do? at some point you're like, we're fucked either way.
[nagging about those shit-ass super cute guinea pigs]
[attempt at gathering thoughts]
[unsuccesful]
It's just, i dunno... hmm... i dunno, it's like... it's just too much these days...
there's just an area where things always just have to seem so, like so... so happy
but...
it just suuucks sometimes, to just watch everything go like that.
i don't know what i did, to her...
was it the fact that i was, not someone who was a lazy fuck [said with conviction, expression nearing exclamation mark]
i'm sorry that, i dunno, that management didn't have to spoonfeed me everything
i don't have to have like a whole stream schedule made by them, and all of my ideas and videos and... and even debut made by them
like, like, i don't get it
she acts, she acted so viiile... and then she doesn't even try [intonation implies question and exclamation mark] it's almost insulting
if you're gonna be jealous of me and so, ... toxic... can't you just... at least push that to be someone better?
is it this hard to try and improve yourself?
i don't know...
like...
it was more than just... [cant understand]
at some point i just left those meetings, i just left...
normally we have an open door policy, like, if we're in this together we should be in mutual understandings
we're not any different just because we're not staff, we're still the ones that make this work at the end of the day
but it's like... i don't know...
to say it is just so much, it's not like she didn't want to be there
everything just felt like she just wanted Kumu in particular, i dunno...
it's so much more than everything everyone knows and it's just so suffocating sometimes
[time skip, chunk of silence]
on a possitive note [the anorexic] at a burger, [joyous intonation, inkling of pride]
i dunno... i always think understanding people is worth it...
i mean, it was a girl that was supposed to... i was quite literally hired to be friends with
i mean, when you're making a generation of a company, the whole point is that everyone is friends is it not?
you need to at least pretend to be like that
hmm...
hmm...
[responding to chat] "take care", thank you
i'm sorry, i'll try to be more energetic but... i dunno... hmm...
man, i feel like i cried about this so much sometimes
i don't know, it's just like...
[big period of silence]
[throat sounds, some saliva, a little bit of nasal blowing]
i guess it's just this, i dont know...
i tried to be close with her, i tried to... talk with her, but she never wanted to
and, i mean, obviously, looking back, i was stupid
if someone was everything you wanted to be, and you just could never be it to her...
it would just feel miserable to be around them, but...
i don't know, why me?!
like, why is it always me? [significant sense of frustration, slight anger, in voice], i don't get it...
i've given up so much of this... of my life, my opportunities, everything and i've ended up HERE, and it's like...
if i've done all of this just to be miserable.., it sucks. it really just does, but...
there will always be bad days, and... there will always be good days so it's just dealing with it [cute sniff]
hmm...
but i don't know what i do to people, ...at this point, at this point it just has to be something about me... [another sniff]
i think the only people that i've met, that are actually, not like that towards me are RURU and SIENA
i don't even know what to say, tho, anything else, what i even... can say, really
it just basically sucks to see the same thing happen to RURU, in some different regard, all of that
it just sucks to see this constantly happen to people, like, i don't know...
it's like you're born to early to explore the world, born too late to explore the stars [direct quote, don't blame me], born in the right time to become everything that is now and get FUCKED OVER [significant sense of frustration]
aaahhhhh... [big double sigh]
