>>108646262She understands they have harmed her, and that it is abuse. She does not understand it in the way a person on the outside would. It is a very common experience for people who have been abused to tell friends an ordinary story from their childhood and be met by horrified expressions. When the people that are supposed to keep you safe during your most vulnerable years, help you grow into a competent, happy and healthy adult, are doing everything but, it's difficult if not impossible to see all the harm they've done. You might recognize the harm when they beat you for not doing well enough in Math, but do you recognize the problem when they talk about how much they love you the next day? Do you notice how they introduce you to others in a way that subtly undermines you?
I have a degree in psychology. I am a published researcher in that field. Nothing in my educational career ever strained my capabilities, I was more than smart enough to handle every class I took and I never bothered to study any of the material outside of class. I was 30 years old when it first occurred to me that being thrown out of the house at age 10 in the middle of the night was not normal, because I had spent most of my life to that point in my mother's presence, and dealing with her randomly swinging to extreme measures was just a normal part of how people live to me. It was a few years later before I finally realized the reason I get anxious when people clean things around me is because when my mom went on a major cleaning spree of the house, it was already too late. The only thing I could do is try not to attract her attention, because even trying to help would make it worse. If I had ever told someone about my thoughts or feelings, they would have noticed immediately that hearing someone else cleaning should not make an adult want to go hide in a closet, cover themselves in a blanket and cover their ears, but that has been a part of me for my entire life. How much of how your parents raised you have you gone back to review as an adult in depth? Have you taken the time to seriously consider the pros and cons, and the effects it had on you later down the line with the mind of an adult? How much do you even remember now, 20+ years later?
