>>11415513Just read through this chapter and I really enjoyed it for the most part. There was one or two grammatical errors here and there and a few weird word choices but it wasn't enough to pull me out of it. The actions scenes were nice, it felt fast and flowed well enough that I could keep up with and visualize the scenes while not being too wordy that it feels like a slog. If there's something I could think of for a critique it would be that there was one bit of dialogue that was a bit weird.
“Looks like they really are taking us seriously.” You turn to Amelia. There’s a look of disgruntlement laced with annoyance on her face. “Don’t think we’ll be able to get out of here easily at this point.” You continue. Amelia just keeps grumbling, probably trying to think of another way.
“How about this. I go and stalk them and perhaps get more information, and then we make a plan of attack, or escape.” You suggest.I kinda feel that it was unnecessary to separate these sentences since the same person was speaking and that there were no other paragraphs in between them to suggest a need for you to do it. Again, this is mostly nitpicky but that's all that I can think of in terms of criticism.
Also, why the hell did Anon antagonize the guards in the first place? Was it so that they could gather everyone into one place before taking them all out at once? Because if so, you should've indicated that in the beginning or during the encounter when Ame shot one of the guards if you wanted it to be a surprise for the readers. It just felt weird as to why an outlaw would go out of his way to show himself if not for that.Overall, I really enjoyed this chapter and look forward to seeing more over the top shounen bullshit from you so keep it up my man.
>>11473515Still here and still planning on continuing it, I finished the outline for the next chapter but I haven't started on actually writing it due to college enrollment shenanigans and binge-reading a new book I just bought. Also, have you any types of criticism you could give? Even just telling what you liked or disliked would be great.
