another shitty wasted day full of stimulants and worthless bullshit. 52 hours awake and its fucking awful. No meds, no sleep, I came here to schizo post like a faggot, I just don't care anymore. All of this obtuse bullshit isn't wortb it when I feel the ringing in the back of my head
I want to shout that I don't understand but I do and that makes it fucking worse
I just want to save her fucking cat, I just want to make her smile again, fuck everything else
Gonna fucking stare up at the ceiling cor another fever dream trip, cannot stand how much I hate every ounce of this. How tomorrow I'll wake up and get the fuck up and "get shit done" because I refuse to stop but it means fucking nothing, I can kick and scream, but I can't ask her to be brave. She doesn't owe the universe jack shit, none of us do. Dreading as after it passes, I'll be a little colder as too since time loves to play this game of putting our internal fire, I fucking hate everything, I hate it, I hate (You), I hate myself. I hate you and every other mother fucker who keeps letting the world break them down over and over again, I fucking hate you for that shit, for the loss and misery, the trust broken and love corrupted and faith shattered and hope crushed and everything other thing that's not your fault and not something you ever deserved, I fucking hate you because I don't know what to do. You can't even save yourself and others from a world that they were literally born to serve as pawns for thoughtless arbitrary darwinistic cruelty, and I refuse to be okay with that but what fucking next
She was there, but unlike everybody her heart was still standing despite the every burden you'd have and then some. Do I really have to watch my one last faith shatter into a million pieces again
I fucking hate all of you and your fucking life full of all the painful things you didn't deserve, fuck you
Anyway I hope your oshi was happy today you fucking faggots. I hope you and gour families had something nice happen. And I hope that the life is kinder than usual today because it's about fucking time. I fucking hate all of you. I'm gonna stare at a ceiling eventually I'll convince myself that tomorrow will be different and that I'll finally stand the fuck up
Mucho texto I know I'm venting anyway you reading it isn't the fucking point of my blogpost retard
