>>11955942Where does a mountain climber keep his plane?
In a cliff-hangar.
Why do people take an instant dislike to flight attendants?
To save time later.
Will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?
I just can’t see them taking off.
A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travel bag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin.
“Do you always carry such heavy luggage?” she sighed.
“No more,” the man said. “Next time, I’m riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the ticket!”
What is the difference between God and an airline pilot?
God doesn’t think he’s an airline pilot.
A Boeing 737 Max flight attendant walks into a bar and orders a martini.
“You’re here later than usual,” the bartender comments. “Problems at work?”
“Yes, just as our flight was about to take off, we had to turn around and wait at the gate for an hour.”
“What was the problem?” the bartender asks.
“The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine,” she replies. “It took us a while to find a new pilot.”
Why did the airplane get sent to his room?
Bad altitude.
Why do flight attendants make great astronauts?
They know how to take up space.
What has a nose and flies, but can’t smell?
An airplane!
A plane lands, and shortly after, the flight attendant comes over the speaker.
“Hi, folks! Sorry about that rough landing. It wasn’t the captain’s fault. It definitely wasn’t my fault…
It was the asphalt.”
I asked a flight attendant to change my seat because of a crying baby next to me.
It turns out you can’t do that if the baby is yours.
What did the Klingon say to the flight attendant?
“Today is a good day to fly.”
I decided to leave work an hour early today.
The flight attendants started freaking out when I grabbed my parachute, though.
What did the football player say to the flight attendant?
“Put me in coach.”
A plane is full of a bunch of Redditors, and suddenly a man starts having a heart attack. One of the flight attendants (who frequents r/AskReddit) notices this and quickly shouts: “People of the plane, we’re having an emergency! Is anyone on this plane a doctor?”
Immediately, five people stand up and all say, “I’m not a doctor, but…”
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A “plane in the neck.”
Where are the Great Plains located?
At the great airports.
Who invented the first airplane that wouldn’t fly?
The Wrong Brothers.
A man walks up to the counter at the airport.
“Can I help you?” asks the agent.
“I want a roundtrip ticket,” says the man.
“Where to?” asks the agent.
“Right back to here,” he replies.
I tried to carry my board game onto the airplane, but security said I couldn’t do it.
The risk was too big.
I threw my phone from the roof, and it broke.
I guess airplane mode wasn’t working.
How often do airplanes crash?
Just once.
A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, “How long does it take to fly to Boston?”
The clerk said, “Just a minute…”
“Thank you,” the man said and hung up.
I have a really good airplane joke I want to share…
But I think it might go over your head.
When Chuck Norris walks through airport security, he makes them take off their shoes.
It was mealtime on an airplane, and the flight attendant asked a passenger if he would like some dinner.
“What are my choices?” the passenger asked.
“Yes or no,” she replied.
What do airplane builders say about their job?
“It’s riveting.”
I have this new idea for an airplane,
But I don’t think it’s gonna fly.
What do you call an airplane that flies backward?
A receding airline.
A passenger, in panic, asked if the airplane was going the right way.
To which Yoda responded, “Off course, we are.”
What do you call the Swiss president’s airplane?
Tobler One.
What happens to a bad airplane joke?
It never lands.
