Don't worry, there are levels of paypiggery and as long as you don't go too far it's all ok. It goes something like this:
>Level 1: You want access to her supporter content, so you subscribe to the most cost-effective tier on Youtube/Twitch/Patreon
>Level 2: You want her to read a silly comment you had, so you spend some pocket change you have laying around (like $2) to send it as a superchat.
>Level 3: Those superchats you had been sending? They're now becoming a regular thing. The streamer starts recognizing your name. You send at least one superchat per stream.
>Level 4: You are now starting to lose it. Those small superchats you had been sending didn't get the attention you needed. You start sending occasional heartstring tugging "thank yous" and borderline love letters as bigger superchats ($20-$100).
>Level 5: You are now regularly spending a sizable chunk of your income on superchats. The streamer starts getting visibly uncomfortable when you're around. You know this, but you don't care.
>Level 6: You give her a big donation, like $5000. She DMs you on Discord, telling you that you don't have to spend all that money on her and tells you that she refunded it. You tell her you love her. She blocks you and her mods DM you, telling that you're no longer welcome in the community. You have a mental breakdown, spending several days sweating, feeling a sense of dread. You blew it. What have you done? You spend all that money, and for what? She was just creeped out by you. How did your life come to this? You had a pretty normal childhood, with friends and everything, but then drifted apart from them. You never got attention from women. Now you're compensating your loneliness by *this*? You take two weeks off work to process how badly you have fucked up and never feel like a normal, well-adjusted person again.
