>>12819599This criticism is coming from someone who can't jerk off right now, and I honestly also don't care about being gentle. If you are a pussy about criticism, don't read this.
The writing was good, but that's the only thing I'll give you. I think you did indeed miss the point of the fetish.
First off, what kind of reason was that for her to go into this rusty house with creaking floors? Because she could somehow "save money" if she broke in? Why would she want that house anyway?
Second, how did her eyes have to adjust to the dark if she was already inside a dark house? Assuming she fell through the floor, say the lights above were on and not just dark, there would be enough light seeping in for her to see her surroundings in the basement.
Third, the creature. A lack of description and a severe misunderstanding of the genre. What's the point of making it a story about a creature if you could replace it with a regular guy with strong arms and maybe a knife? The slime served no purpose, it didn't trap her, it wasn't for any eggs, nothing like that. Why did you even bring it up? The expositional dialogue about ovipositors was extremely out of place too.
The rape. Actually, the "rape". As usual, she starts feeling good and cumming her brains out 20 seconds in. Worst yet, you could have had an excuse. It's vaginal! Cool! It resembles a dog knot! Cool! But it still wouldn't feel good if she didn't want it, unless you know, you used a sting from the creature or something. Something bugs are known to do?
If the creature is an ovipositor that relies on rape to lay eggs, it wouldn't let her do the movement. That's not how it works on insects. Though I'll give you that it's an unknown creature. Whatever.
The egg was rubbing her g-spot? Really?
Anyway the rest is just the same complaints as the other part about a half assed rape. Good for you for writing it, you can actually write well. But as you said, you didn't really understand it so it was probably best if you left it to someone who is actually into it to do it.
