>>16350310That’s fair feedback, when I originally wrote it I was envisioning a fluff fic with Fauna in the woods, only later did I make the violent twist. I’m not very good at writing anon’s dialogue; for chuubas (namely Fauna, IRyS and Kronii who I watch the most) I can watch streams to get their quips and mannerisms. But for anon everyone has their own style of speaking and I often find it really hard to know what I would say if I could actually talk to a chuuba, especially if she was chuuni and really had incredible powers. Maybe it’s just because no gf but I find it hard to know how to do back-and-forth dialogue with a chuuba, so I stick with simple/minimal words from anon.
As for the yandere angle, I was kind of relying on people having read some of my other fics (hence, timelines) where anon cheats on Kronii for
futanari Fauna, which was sort of alluded to loosely, perhaps I should have detailed that more. Again being a permavirgin I’m not the best at writing love, especially love from a yandere. I was implying Kronii had gone insane from seeing so many alt timelines of anon getting stolen, because although I am a kronie I’ve written quite a lot of stories with that premise (and desu, I hover between kronie and sapling although rarely post in /uuu/)
Regarding the adjectives that’s also fair. I proof read and replaced synonyms where I could but it felt excessive to replace every word even as a native speaker, sometimes basic words are easier to stick with.
>>16350539Remember Fauna is a goddess like her and an equal whereas (you) are a petty mortal she can discard and throw aside at will.
Anyway thanks for the feedback anon. Funny how you said it didn’t make you sad because for me it actually did but I’m very attached to both the chuubas involved so I blame that
