it's been 6 months since my oshi graduate because of failure in her vtuber group company, i dont think she is my oshi at that time it was just a blissful day where i could tune on her streams from time to time, i have a terrible anxiety and she help calms me down give me reason to keep living and stop saying wanting to die

on her graduation stream she is still cheerful as always but i felt empty, there is no reincarnation there is no way for me chase her shadow anywhere else, she might have found better job and moving elsewhere while im here just pathetically, just back to to the time where i never found her

i watch many people since then and tried to find some solace but i cant get that feeling i feel from her to another person, its painful