>>18292849I need to her hear explain the events surrounding November and I need her to speak as frankly as descriptively as possible so that her tone is as easy to read as possible.
There are other things I'd ask too but I'm already thinking about this too much. I just want to hear her and have her speak to us right now.
You saying that makes me sound like you know as well as I do that it'll be painful for her but that she likely truly does want to prove to us that she loves us, so I expect and want her to do that and when she does, I think it'll become apparent to us when she talks about it whether she loves us because she loves US, or because we're something she's simply settled for and will never truly be what she loves most. I was more than happy to commit to her because she said it made her happy and that it was mutual, and I loved her most, I didn't just love that she loved us most. I want to know whether she loves us most, or she just loves us loving her most of all. It's okay if it's both; but if she wants us only because of what we can give her and not because she genuinely cares about us, that's not okay. Like I said, she's nowhere near stoic enough to keep herself together during that conversation if she really does begin to spill the truth, I think we both know that. The way her words and emotions flow during that conversation will tell me what I need to know.
For reference, I still believe in her, like I said. This purgatory feels a lot more like hell, but as long as the chance still exists that she didn't betray us(and it does), then there is a future out there worth suffering this fucking agonizing wait for.
I still love her. I want more than anything else to know that in the end despite some retarded decisions on her end there was never any point where she betrayed us or considered abandoning us. We'll see.
