i recently had occasion to stop in at the only kfp located in braunau am inn. upon breeching the threshold i was greeted by several women wearing the traditional kfp garb and escorted straight away to the bustling, lively queue. while waiting in line, i was privy to the most deranged sounding austrian i had ever heard. it had barely the cadence of speech and seemed rather more the incoherent ravings of a race that communicated by drooling and snorting. it was then that i realized the very real peril i had placed myself in. as the queue sauntered forth, i did my best to assimilate for fear of being singled out as the only human in the establishment. macabre approximations of anthropomorphized chicken-men began to emerge from tiny doors behind and around the counter. their movements so impossibly alien the very act of casting my gaze upon them had a dizzying effect upon my countenance. their fevered jerking, squawking and skittering abruptly ceased when the alpha chicken beast emerged from a freezer containing the corpses of middle aged men wearing tshirts adorned with an image of a singularly beautiful phoenix goddess. i was in a daze as my turn at the counter came, the bird beast gruffly chirping in a harried tone all the while. i gathered from the thing's vulgar gestures and noises that he wished to take my order. in a half swoon, sweating profusely, i managed the following phrase in austrian broken by both lust and terror: "i'd like to rim kiarra's asshole"
the place was better than average, 7/10.
