>>23594625I think you've been miserable for so long that you've come to do little more than contemplate your misery every day. If that's all that's on the back of your mind, raring to come to the front, you'll always see things as far worse than they are. Girlfriends aren't the be-all, end-all of happiness, in fact they can become the sharpest thorn in your side that you've ever felt. You're not so bad, you have at least enough self-awareness to understand your flaws. Look to your qualities and don't lie to yourself saying you have none. Above all else, remember you're not your mistakes and your fears; they're things you've accrued over time and they are things that you can reverse and redeem yourself from. But you need to take a small step towards happiness every day. It can start with getting back in touch with your family, for instance. If there's anything that makes it genuinely dangerous, you can always adopt a pet instead. You can even get on an exercise program, being basically strong is an easy way to get self-confidence by knowing you're physically attractive and capable (will require consistent effort for a few months though). Don't let your grief become your best friend, anon. Then you will really want out of this.
