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You know when you and your oshi actually make it and hook up but you live in different cities/countries and shit. Yeah that was chill and dating some sort of girl creature is nice but you know when you’ve endured weeks of “would you please love me if I was a lamp” and “please mod my stream please mod my stream please mod my stream” and “spit in my mouth” messages and you go to her place for date weekend and the smell just hits you like a wall when you open the door. Homegirl got that reek. That no shower November, that cheap vodka and mcdonalds sweat vibe. That thank god you can’t smell me thru youtube kinda beat and you find her huddled in her cave watching whatever Chinese cartoon is on the meme this week and before she gets at you with that “anon I’m not dirty I’m just based and lainpilled” you drag her scrawny lil ass to the shower. She’s passed grimes and moved onto mud and baby you’re a gas station powerwasher. There’s no use resisting, you’re filled with the concerned rage of a disappointed parent. You ain’t daddy, you’re father dearest. You hose her down properly but there is another challenge waiting. The layers of filth, makeup and grease has formed a waterproof cocoon. Girl putting the crusty in crustacean and you need a hammer and chisel to break open the shell to get at the juicy pale white girlmeat inside. She makes a fuss like an angry cat and threatens to refuse wearing the maid costume for you ever again, but she eventually drops the hissing and succumbs to the soap and water. Colors you ain’t ever seen before swirls around the drain hole and you just know you have to bleach the shit out of that later. Your creature is reborn as she emerges from the dirt and you remember why you love her. She’s beautiful. Cracked open and freed you dry her off with a towel and kiss her forehead. You cook her dinner after airing out her place and she nearly pukes before once again adjusting to solids. You two talk about how you feel as the evening drags on into the long night. Two humans connecting, breaking bread and caring for eachother. Love wins.
