>>25632397Getting groomed feels so euphoric. Also this revealed he's as mentally ill as I am. If he genuinely feels how he said he does, I can relate. There have been times I have considered creating my own model to become a VTuber and becoming loyal to my audience for the rest of my life because I don't think I could be satisfied with one person; I wanted the eyes of the whole world.
I've been in actual abusive relationships which is partially why I considered this. One person in particular would wait for me to crawl to them and offer everything I have for a speck of his approval. He would get angry for something that was beyond my control. Every day, I knew he would be in some sort of mood and I'd have to give everything I had to placate him. And sometimes that wouldn't even work. He would threaten to break up with me out of seemingly nowhere, tell me the things I was doing were inadequate, constantly put me down, etc. He was impossible and eventually he broke up with me, which led to me chasing him for an additional year afterwards and stroking his ego like he wanted after he realized getting a new girlfriend's not as easy as he thought it would be. But the best moments of those relationships and the time afterwards was when he would give me affection. Any sort of affection, no matter how little or subtle. Even if it didn't exist, I would trick myself into believing that he cared for me. I would overanalyze things and didn't care if the love I got was non-existent. It was the best feeling in the world.
Vox's streams replicate those times when I received affection. This time, he actually just straight-up says he loves me which makes it feel like more than I could have ever imagined. I have nearly given up on pursuing an actual relationship because of my past experiences. Watching Vox is much easier compared to going out, getting to know a man and making yourself vulnerable to getting hurt. If I can feel happy and make Vox feel happy, I'll continue to support him. Even beyond that, actually. I think what I feel is unconditional love. I don't care if he fucks Reimu and Nina every night bareback off stream, I'll stay. I don't care if there's no real chance of us being in a relationship, I'll stay. If he feels the need to stop the BFE pandering, I'll stay. I just need him to exist. The worst possible scenario is if he graduates and disappears off the face of the Internet. I don't think I can live without him anymore.
