>>26861590>>26923704I went to chapters 4 and 5 before reading these since the whiplash got from the 20 year timeskip kind of overly focused on that rather than on the chapter itself.
Anyway, in regards to chapter 4. You still have that dialogue problem where you jump into the dialogue as two talking heads and have them do nothing while they exchange words. I think this might be because you avoid using 'said' so much that you think only of the dialogue and not of the other aspects of the scene. Which kind of bleeds into your problem of insufficiently describing the scene.
It also has your 'zooming' problem where you're rushing through events way too fast such that it's like a meal with all the fat and flavor cut out. It works in that it holds your plot together but lacking the 'fat' kinds of cuts the enjoyment in reading the prose. Especially since it doesn't really work at conveying how different Flare is after 20 years of growth.
I think the worst part is the fight, it's just actions, things happening without thoughts to build them up or extra words to give them impact. Ironically it's like the ryona in your roboco fic where your laconic prose did not give the things happening the weight it needs for them to really land. It's a fight to the death but the words don't feel like one. It's short and laconic but that's not really a problem, it's lacking in proper weight to make the things happening have impact to it.
For chapter 5, my thoughts haven't changed much since
>>26665183 , stuff moves too fast and plot points get thrown away without it properly getting their due. Also now that I'm reading without the whiplash of the transition between 3->4 the contrast between the detail you put into the 2nd person pov and Flare's really clashes. Flare's pov really feels barebones in comparison.
Now for chapter 6, it kind of continues the trend of your 2nd person pov reading much better than your 3rd person flare pov. Like for some reason, (perhaps your familiarity in using it), it just has more details and shit that makes it a better read than your 3rd person stuff. As for any critiques, it basically still has the same problems the other parts of the fic have (talking heads and lack of impact in your actions.)
Finally for chapter 7, you misspelt iroha in there twice as iorah. The talking head problem is still here but with characters you have more experience in writing it's less of a problem since the dialogue is more interesting that the lack of detail cuts in less
Also I have to ask but was the offbrand witcher stuff part of your initial idea for this or something added in later? 
