>>27585575>>27587634It was late and I didn't want to dig into a new story with the intent to pick at it, but since Hot Like a Star was paid for, I'm sure he can live with a few mean words.
>[...]the self-inserter has to be instructed on what emotions they should feel.This is a problem inherent to second-person perspective. This is also why there's a lot of cheating using adverbs.
>[Before you realized you were staring at her earnestly, to which she notices and gives you a sly grin.]Would've worked much better if you were immediately interrupted, opportunity squandered on excess description.
>“It’s been hot all this week,” you say in response, [trying to keep a neutral tone that wouldn’t betray your lecherous stare, except that your eyes stayed on her chest regardless.]>"Anon," she goes, using her feet to prod at your legs. Your eyebrow twitches, [but you still try to maintain a zen-like state.]>"Hey! Earth to Anon, do you read me?" She continues, this time essentially kicking at your shins. An internal timer ticks within you as [your patience begins to run out.]>Once again your neurons spark and fizzle from such feedback, [causing your brain to zip between disgust and arousal,] but with the heat, all you could think about was how fucking horny you were.>She teases you with a peck to your nose. [Her words still shake you, and you’re petrified from the fear and shock, unable to think or do anything.]At times, SPP is so limiting that it has resort to things that you wouldn't know.
>"W-What the hell was that?" She squeaks in supposed anger.Why is it only 'supposed'? How do you know that at the time, it might not have been genuine when you just tied someone up?
There are other examples of knowing things you aren't supposed to know that I've forgotten to list.
And all of those were issues specific to being SPP. Problems that aren't even related to the subject-verb confusion, use of bizarre technical language (corona of the penis), waxing philosophy, characters doing personality 180s several times; not just the domination reversal, as well as other conceptual problems with the writing.
>>27587010Don't flatter yourself. It's such a cowardly numberfag tactic to accuse someone with a contrary opinion of being jealous, as if there are no possible other reasons to dislike something.
