>>28326744First stream I saw was when she played Clubhouse Games: 51 Worldwide Classics on Nintendo switch. I found her voice very soothing and she reacted very calmly when she was loosing, as opposed to some chuubas with fake unnatural squeaky voice, overreaction and tea kettle laugh, I immediately felt the charm. I watched all chuubas at the time, I was at exploring and discovering phase.
I saw her riding the snake live, and almost all of that playthrough as well. It really was something. She seemingly incapable of frustration, but that moment almost got her. When I saw her streaming RFA for 10 hours straight in the middle of the night I understood that she isn't human and I was hooked.
Then, there was a wave of graduations and I saw heartbroken fans, I was very upset even about chuubas I barely watched, so I couldn't image how depressed I become when my oshi leaves. Watching your oshi basically is the only good thing left in this miserable life, even if it's essentially just a talking cartoon head reacting to video games.
There were so many vtubers in the risk group, who are harassed by antis, constantly visiting hospital, or going on hiatus, it was obvious they can graduate any moment.
So to be safe, I choose Lulu as oshi. She loves games, she loves streaming, she never gets tired, she never complained, we never saw her depressed, she was free of any scandals. Surely she'll never graduate, I thought.
When she announced graduation, my brain was in denial. I understood that it will happen, but somehow I behaved as it was nothing. When she finally finished Ghosts 'n Goblins Resurrection after 30+ hours, I started crying, as I realized that it was her last normal stream. I was practically paralysed for a week or so.
I stopped watching all vtubers, stopped visiting /vt/ or /jp/. They are supposed to "heal" people, but they also can leave you more crippled than ever before, so what's even the point.
If she at least gave a hint that day that she's going to return once dust settles, that would've been much easier for me.
I watched her IRL of course, but it wasn't the same. I felt stupid about my reaction before. She's just a human. I was looking at her from time to time out of curiosity. I still wonder how a person can be so careless and happy, she's just enjoying the shit out of everything she does, and it's genuine. She truly is a mystery.
Also,
Imagine having friends.
