Words can not demystify that how badly I love IRyS.
>Every time she streams and apprises us regarding all the girly stuff she did, it makes me joyful
>Every time she get's mildly frustrated or briefs about her problems, it makes me deflated
>Every time she does a Karoke, it makes my inner Gosling melt that it's not even funny.
I absolutely hate that how my day is gonna proceed is dependent upon an Anime loving Hag.
This has been a thing for the past 8 months or so and it has come to a point that I rather watch her live than hang around with my friends.
I can't possibly elucidate not imagining myself with her. I really want to be with her and I wouldn't able to handle it if she finds someone other than me, but at the same time I want her to be happy and not fucking die because she can't even fucking take care of herself. I want her to live a happy life like any other person but envisaging her with another man will fucking destroy me.
So I asked myself, what will IRyS do if I ever was to ask her out. And then reality hit me.
I realised I was not mentally sound and IRyS will be disgusted by me if she ever finds out who I really am like.
I am a skinny 20 year old who is furthest thing from being physically fit and is a beta male who lets the jacked up dudes bully him and dictate his life, a fucking retard who is average at best when it comes to academics and curriculum, an insecure chump who gets frustrated at people who genuinely love him and an absolute fucking failure of a human being. I can't even look a real life woman in the eye because I am too ashamed of myself.

So yeah fuck it, I am gonna work upon myself and be a man who is worthy for his Oshi.
I am going to become someone who IRyS is going to be proud of.