Everyone is dumping their trauma so I might as well do that too because why the hell not, the fags in /r9k/ do worse shit all the time. I started watching vtubers as a form of escapism. You know the old woe is me story, tale as old as time, little girl with a shitty abusive family that didn't get the chance to be a child, most likely got raped and or molested multiple times by, I honestly don't know, but my suspicion is that it was the drunkard friends of my dad, or maybe even him. I don't remember this abuse or just most of my life and childhood in general, just small bits and pieces. Bullied because I was always the quiet and weird girl in the classroom, I got tired and started to hit back, got left alone for some time, change schools, rinse and repeat. My mom had a hard disdain and hatred for me for a very long time so she gave me a laptop when I was 8 so I would leave her alone. Grew up in eating disorder forums and image boards, became addicted to self harm, developed a strong eating disorder and started abusing whatever I could find, mindlessly playing vidya, watching anime and drawing for years. Tried to commit suicide way too many times, put myself in risky situations by accident, got groomed more than once, had to talk people off the ledge often, couldn't sleep sometimes for days, friend killed herself minutes after we got off call. After maybe my 4th attempt in half a year, my mom could see how I was doing like shit and started to worry, so she took me to a psychiatrist, got a late diagnosis of autism, clinical depression, psychosis, generalised anxiety, EDNOS and c-PTSD (among other things, but these are the most important) at the age of 17, which explained a lot about everything and why I behaved the way I did, psychiatrist saw my brain was in horrible shape and basically rotting, had to start taking strong meds right away. I couldn't function as a human or a normal member of society, at least for the moment, so I ended up dropping half of my classes, the school gave me the choice to do the rest online and I took it, becoming a hiki. Not too long after that, the vtuber buzz in /jp/ started and I of course fell in love immediately, watching them while doing the mundane things in my life, or while rotting away in my bed. I remember crying while I ate because one of them was eating at the same time and I couldn't remember the last time I ate with someone, even if it sounds stupid. The love kept going and growing, I realized I wanted to be one too, having the benefit of anonymity but also making people happy sounded like heaven. EN auditions started, /vt/ became a thing, I realized my career path wanting to help others to be happy and here we are. I'm still not a vtuber because life keeps putting stones in the road and also a poorfag in a third world country, but it's still one of my goals for sure, in the meantime I keep trying to get better while doing my thing in college, and maybe that's one of the things that compels me to tune in to streams, being extremely grateful, they help me to improve and inspire me.
