I just feel the need to vent about hololive and tempus and all that stuff. Sometimes its nice to scream into the void about things, even if nobody listens.
Things just feel different now that Tempus is here. I can't say in a directly bad way, but in a way that makes me feel uneasy inside. I've been watching holoen (membered Ame and Fauna) for over a year each) but still watch occasional streams from most of the talents. Before I get into this, I don't hate any of the talets. Tempus seem like nice dudes and they haven't done anything to spite me. The girls are good, and I don't blame them for collabing with the guys, even if I don't like it. In my eyes even if the dudes never appeared they still would have given the opportunity.
But man, I was a bit of a fool. I guess I was a unicorn without knowing the term before I came to over a year ago. A lot of my feelings with this revolve around Ame, as she was my oshi. I know this is pathetic, but she really did give me hope in life. Not to pity party, but shit kinda sucks right now. I live in the middle of nowhere, with literally no friends near me or ways to make them, I never got my driver's license due to a traumatic experience so I can't go anywhere, and all my friends live states away. I've been depressed and alone for years. When a friend showed me hololive and I found Amelia it was like a spark was lit inside. Though her and her struggles I saw just a bit of myself. And this is sad but in my head I referred to her as my girlfriend. I never send cringe superchats or comments, I kept it entirely to myself, my little delusion to distract myself from crippling loneliness. Knowing that she would stream the next day gave me a reason to get out of bed in the morning, and listening to her voice while working and doing schoolwork was calming, and seeing her journey was inspiring. I started working out, eating better, doing my reps, all for my love to this woman who doesn't even know I exist. It was my stupid little fantasy that got me to the next day. When she expressed more of her interest in fish and aquariums I was delighted, as I have the same hobby. Nobody else in my life ever seemed to give a shit about fish tanks and silly little creatures, but this anime girl over the internet did, and I felt like I really found somebody who 'got me' as stupid as it sounds. I got the merch, showed up to literally every stream for over a year, and loved every second of it. Through the burnout arc, moving, everything.
Then Tempus arrived. I like the new dudes, but I knew fate was sealed. After Sana’s graduation stream, the sadness started to creep back in. Then the collabs started happening, and with each weak the dread grew. The ‘improve yourself’ thing that this board loves to meme really did kinda hurt me. I was mad about male collabs and I’m going to be honest with the reasoning. Its 100% jeliousy. It’s a natural human emotion. This woman who in my little headspace fantasy was my girlfriend, my reason for getting up in the morning and dealing with this shit life, told me to improve myself instead of being upset at her collabs. All the while I was improving myself because I loved her. It felt like my world was crumbling apart. Then the DBD collab happened and Kronii imploded, and I saw her fanbases reaction, and I knew what fate was before me.