Domain changed to archive.palanq.win . Feb 14-25 still awaits import.
[37 / 10 / ?]

I fucking hate that GFE made me beleeb

No.3712167 View ViewReplyOriginalReport
>be in multiple relationships
>always be the one who delays them from progressing
>can never handle physical intimacy
>getting hugged can send me into a panicked state with rapidly building nausea
>cuddling can make me literally have a panic attack, have slept on cold stone floor to avoid cuddling
>literally have sex with GF often just to make her cum so hard and often that she falls asleep easily and I can get away quick
>tfw no gf for a while
>lonely
>find chuubas
>feel loved and begin to desire the idea of being physically intimate with them
>slowly begin to feel human again with GFE
>3 weeks ago, was out with some friends, met a cutie, started hanging out, clicked, hung out more
>lot of same interests outside of chuubas
>incredibly sweet and romantic
>yesterday, she got bad news while I was with her, broke down crying
>spend hours consoling her with crappy jokes, dumb little skits, play the guitar for her, and other shit I do to try and be cute
>one thing leads to another, we're in my bedroom, clothes are off
>eventually we stop going at it and she collapses
>on top of me
>begins to hold me tightly with her weight against me
>starts to whisper, but I can't hear what she's saying anymore, because my ears started to ring
>and the cold sweat started, and my vision was getting black
>and all I could think of was how terrifyingly trapped and burdened and locked in place and prevented from changing and moving and letting go
>almost screamed, nearly tossed her off me after beginning to breathe hard as fuck
>her vague mouth noises sounded worried
>ran out, grabbed pants and shirt
>ran out of my own apartment
>ran 4 miles to park
>slept on bench
>woke up, come back to my appt
>little sticky note I used to leave her a nice message to find when she was sad was on door, telling me using references to inside jokes that she left the keys under a nearby mat
>she's not in here
>just been sitting here, don't dare to check my phone
Literally months and months of going posting, motivation, and reps as I slowly fall back into believing I can have a warm loving relationship, only for it to blow up in my face this spectacularly. Is GFE all I have left?