So you're telling me that not once, NOT ONCE, did any of the Fellowship members try to ravage the virgin assholes of any of their hobbit companions? This is absolutely laughably unrealistic. Think about it. You're on the road for months, haven't had a proper tumble with the boys since you left Rivendell and here, right beside you, are these perfectly round, lightly misted, woodland-fragranced, young and perky hobbit buttholes only inches away from your raging erection. Now let's be honest, tell me without a hint of sarcasm that you wouldn't. OF COURSE you would. ANYBODY would. What's the big deal? It's only natural. But NOOOo, of course that's not "politically correct" enough for the fun family adventure that is Lord of the Rings. I mean even in the book it doesn't happen and there it's just blatant omission of what actually goes down in the trenches. Isn't Tolkien a WW1 veteran? He of all people must know what it's like to be out there in the field, 6 inches deep in some pretty lad's poon because morale is so low that you'd do anything to get your mind off the shit to come. I say it again, who do Jackson and Tolkien think they're fooling? You know it. I know it. Everybody knows it. In reality those hobbits would have gotten fucked so hard by Aragorn's numenorean ubermensch cock that they would have had to be carried through the mines of Moria and to the lands beyond. It actually takes me so much out of the experience that whenever I watch Fellowship I contemplate re-editing the movie only to interlace gay midget porn at opportune moments where it would have made sense for the hobbits to get buttpummeled. Doesn't even matter if they're not wearing the right costumes, it would still feel more authentic than the travesty that we got. Jackson? Yeah right. More like Hackson.
