I finally posted myself on 4chan, neat I think.

I'm going to be rambling a bit so if you don't know who I am or don't care who I am then this thread is not worth your time, sorry about that.

I apologize if I seem very matter of fact or emotionless during this post, I suffer from PTSD and it often makes me feel numb to certain situations that are a bit stressful or triggering for me. Right now I feel as though I'm kind of just, not really here? It's hard to explain.

I was in the hospital for a few days with what I thought was a stomach bug. It sadly was not a stomach bug, I was instead told I have stomach/gastric cancer. Thankfully the doctors said that it was caught VERY early on so my chances of survival are basically guaranteed but I will still have to deal with treatment and the eventual surgery to go in and remove stuff from my stomach lining.

I just recently turned 27 years old and though I often wish I would die young because I see nothing to look forward to in life this situation has just caused me to feel scared of death. I have a niece who recently turned 10 in January, a nephew who turned 8 in February, I want to see them grow up, I want to be there for my cat Meebo, I want to try and make my parents proud, I want to fall in love and get married. There's a lot I want to do in my life and I'm scared of having everything be cut short.

Right now I have dropped out of college. I do want to get my bachelor's degree even if it won't be put to use in the worst case scenario but due to the cost of treatment and eventual surgery it's not viable for me to continue to pay for college.

My current plans are to spend time with family. Some of you may know that my dad's mother hates my guts for not living on my own, not having a spouse, not having children...but my grandma (mom's mother) still loves me and I have not seen her in roughly 10 years. My mom misses her mom but I also want to use this time to see my grandma as well. I also want to spend time with my niece and nephew, my sister and her husband and my parents as well.

As it stands currently I will not be streaming. Streaming does make me the happiest person ever but I don't think I can deal with even a single negative comment due to my mental health as it stands due to the news.

I want to thank everyone who watched me or supported me even in the slightest for these past two years while I was a VTuber. In late 2020 I was introduced to VTubers due to randomly finding Mayuzumi Kai of NIJISANJI JP's stream and ever since then my dream was to be a VTuber that people loved. Ever since early 2014 I have been a huge fan of Vinny from Vinesauce and he was the person who inspired me to do content creation in the first place. Though my dream of joining the old NIJISANJI EN or Production Kawaii never happened I would like to think that I still achieved something.

I'm afraid to post a thread about myself again in the future so if I see any future posts while I'm not busy I will do my best to pop in from time to time and just update people if I can.

I'm sorry for the long post.