I am a single male in his mid-20s, with lots of disposable income, and a passing interest in Vtubers. I SHOULD be a prime candidate for GFEtubers, but for some reason, I’ve never grown that sort of parasocial attachment. And don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried them all: Nene, Selen, Reine, Ollie, Elira, Oceane, Meloco, Shiori, and a dozen Japanese ASMR channels I can’t pronounce. I enjoy the ASMR, the earlicks, the blowing, and occassionally some game streams, but if they’re playing some stupid boring shit like Umineko or a Chilla’s Art game, I can’t bring myself to support them. I buy membership, only to never join in on the members-only game streams because I don’t have or don’t like the game, and then cancel it a month later. I rarely watch karaoke, and I have never seen a single zatsudan in my life. Hell, I barely even type in chat, let alone donate.

I should be lonely and vulnerable and giving my everything to these girls, but honestly, I feel even worse than that. I just feel numb, like I don’t care about women, or men, or relationships, or life in general, anymore outside of my own personal instant gratification. Am I just a sociopath? I literally feel like I’m one boring day away from a church shooting, I’m not even kidding. I can’t keep going on like this, but I don’t even hate my life enough to kill myself. What the fuck do I do?