>>6680347hey there dustbunnychama(or whatever you're going by), the authanon that gave you the blurb here.
Firstly, I'm glad you managed to write(and read) out this piece, as it's the first step to you achieving your dreams. Secondly, in terms of the story(writing wise), I feel there's some small pacing issues and in some cases, past tense should be used instead of present tense, but you can use Google Docs to help point some of these out to you. And lastly, I felt it was a little bit hard to be interested in what's happening, perhaps due to the jarring feeling some things didn't roll off as naturally as I would expect in my head.
Nonetheless, there is potential in this. Keep writing, keep reading, and keep learning. Don't worry so much that you didn't write or read much since school, as this was the exact same situation I went through and now I'm churning out stories like no tomorrow, like the menhera wrangler series. I can't comment much on the voiceover as I have a knack of sounding monotonous(which is ironic because I do emceeing as a side-gig), but keep improving on your enunciation of things. Voice-over work is hard, I know.
In any case, just keep working at it, and I'm sure you'll make us(or just me), and more importantly, yourself proud.
P.S. putting up your story at the end of the thread makes it hard to gain traction, especially once we've hit bump limit.
