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Let me tell you something, as someone who's been a lolicon for 20 years, and now likes a nearly 40 years old woman:
I understand, but part of that attraction is a weakness inside of you. It prevents you from seeing women as suitable for you, partially because you think you're not good enough. You may also still be hung up on the memory of your first love.
Unironically improve yourself, yes even if you're fit and smart and pretty good looking, you're probably insecure and socially awkward. There is room for improvement. And keep your eyes open for a woman you can love. It's worth it.