My oshi admitted to having a boyfriend, and I... didn't even care. Still slept to her ASMR, still watched her stream and chatted like nothing was wrong, and the whole time, I knew it was all fake, and I felt... nothing. And that horrifies me.

I'm used to the girl turning into a cunt the second her opsec fails, which I'm grateful for, since it makes it a lot easier to leave her behind and feel like I dodged a bullet. But when she's so transparent that she doesn't even HAVE opsec in the first place? And she's still nice to me and showering me with lovey-dovey ear kisses, right afterwards? Fucking hell man, I can't just ditch her so easily in the middle of that.

I still like her. I still think she's cute. I still want to support her financially so she can keep streaming. But I shouldn't, right? She wants this parasocial thing to go on, I know she has a boyfriend, the secret's out now, so I should just leave her, right? That's the logical conclusion. So why is it so hard now? Why was I so scared of getting cucked, only to feel absolutely nothing once it finally happened?