Quoted By:
Greetings, everyone.
My name is Steve Jobs. Welcome to the Apple conference.
Along the side of your penis, you should find three holes that were not there before. These are known as "Apple Connectors." They allow for much easier and faster access to the interior of your penis. It also allows us to add a variety of new features later on with just one simple update. This should help improve your overall experience. We hope 3-holes will be enough for now, but we're always looking towards the future!
We have also installed a small speaker in the base of the penis, which we call the iTip. This means that while you're using it, you can listen to music or watch videos if you wish. The volume control is located at the top of the penis, near the head. Just gently squeeze the skin to adjust it.
The iTip has an embedded camera as well, so that you may record yourself during use. We call this feature "iShowU." This function serves two purposes: firstly, it enables you to share your experiences with others through social media; secondly, it provides valuable data about how our product performs under real-world conditions.
In addition, we have added vibrations to the penis. There are three levels of intensity available: Low, Medium, and High. You can cycle through them by pressing the button near the base of the shaft. We believe this will greatly enhance your pleasure during masturbation.
Finally, we have incorporated a safety feature called "Find My Penis." In case you misplace your penis (which hopefully won't happen often), you can simply log into your account from any computer or mobile device and track its location. We want to assure our customers that their privacy is of utmost importance to us, so rest assured that only authorized individuals will be able to locate your penis.
Thank you for choosing Apple. Have a great day!
