>>93918529>You finally did it!>You worked up the courage to ask that short, chubby, oddly attractive nursing student for a date. It just suddenly seized you, the impulse to walk up to her and say..."Hi! I'm Anon, I'm new here. Look, please don't be offended but... would you like to come to dinner with me? Tonight?"
>She looks surprised. But that's nothing compared to your surprise when she opens her mouth."YEH ORLRITE! FAK IT, WHY NOT? I CUD DO WIV SUM FREE GRUB ANNA SHAG!"
>And then she laughed. It sounded like a broken-winded mule bellowing into a bucket.>Undaunted, you book the finest restaurant you can afford for such a classy lady. Nimi seems to like it."FAKKIN ELL! POSH ERE INNIT! GLAD I PUT SUM KNICKERS ON!"
>You notice she always speaks just slightly on the wrong side of too loud. The other diners politely pretend they didn't hear. The waiter brings the menus. She peers at hers."ERE, ITS ORL IN FAKKIN FRENCH! OI CARNT READ THIS, ILL END UP GETTIN A PLATE OF FAKKIN SNAILS IN GARLIC WUNNAI!"
>You look at the menu yourself. It's in English, it's just been printed with a curly script kind of font. Nimi thrusts her menu back at the waiter."I WONT PIE AND MASH DUNNOI. PLENTY OV LIKKER ON THA MASH!"
>The other diners continue to pretend. The waiter does his best."I'm so sorry Madam, I don't think we serve that kind of dish here. We have a lovely bass, served with snow-peas, it's very..."
"I SED FAKKIN PIE AND MASH MATE! AND A PINTA LARGER!"
"I... I'll see what the chef can do."
>He walks away without even asking you what your order was. Nimi pulls a packet of Embassy number 10 out from her cleavage and sparks up, ashing in the bread basket>Starts rubbing at her crotch>Brings her fingers up and licks them then cackles“JOLLY FAKKIN ELL, IT’S ME TIME! OI LUV GITTIN SHAGGED ONNA RAG! GUNNA AVE US A BLEEDIN GOOD TOIM INNA LOO, AIN’T WE?”
>Thinking quickly you excuse yourself to the gents' and climb out the window, sneaking away before the little neanderthal notices>On your way back to your hotel get kidnapped and raped to death by a gang of mozzies>Get ticketed by a copper for getting raped in public without a getting raped in public license>Neutral end 
