>>96033052>>96028654To be fair she didn't intend to deliver any of those donothon goals. People blamed idol for being greedy, but she's menhera prime.
https://x.com/fluffenfox/status/1892404238090981765>incoming her tweetcan i be raw for a sec? honestly i've been feeling so lost since that thing. i know i haven't made the best choices under pressure. never have. didn't handle it in the best way, i just did what i thought was right to protect myself and leave that shit hole. i really felt stuck, trapped. like i was surrounded by barbed wire from every direction, with an intimidating presence looming over me, forcing me to keep quiet. damned if i do, damned if i don't. i was so distressed, knowing people were talking about me. looking at me. taking jabs at me, sometimes i still take the blame, even if i have nothing to do with it. even if i had every right to be upset by how things were handled, and to try to stand up for myself when no help or clarifications were offered. leaving me scrambling with the aftermath. i was truly all alone. abandoned, discarded. i tell myself that i ruined everything, made a fool out of myself, and everyone hates me. look at her, she doesn't know what she's doing. doesn't know what she wants. she's writing a wall of text on twitter. she's quitting, she's staying. videos are made. posts are made. more gossip, more bullshit. please do me a favor, and don't. the expectations are heavy. i'm supposed to have it together, but i really don't. i deal with everything by pushing everyone away, keeping it all inside. to this damn day. everything feels like it finally came crumbling down the past few months and i feel sick. my real feelings have come out even when i tried distracting myself, building something new for myself, and experimenting with new things, albeit messily. some life changes have been affecting me pretty badly as well. as much as i've tried staying positive, going about my day making my silly posts and moving on... i just can't help but remember how good people were put in a bad situation. pitted against each other. things escalated because of misunderstandings. i've lost friends. opportunities. maybe it was just an illusion all along, anyhow. to make money in the machine. i will never, ever forgive that person. not only for making me experience something so overwhelming that it leaves me dizzy and shaking whenever i think too hard about it, but bringing hurt and suffering to others as well. wasted, crushed dreams. seriously, fuck you. you liar. i thought it could finally do something amazing. you ran away like a coward instead. it's bitter. it's complicated. some people are still hurting. i want to stream and do side projects... i still have fun doing it... but it's hard. i don't want to be associated with all these bad things. all this pain, guilt, and grief. content creation, and sharing a space with so many people watching your every move, capturing and distorting your likeness in time even if people and situations change... it's not easy... i can't imagine how some people out there are feeling, experiencing something similar because of shitty practices by inexperienced or predatory companies... this has to stop. it is so unfair and damaging. i want to keep going, i know i can change it and make it better, maybe over time, but it won't disappear. i feel like i've lost so much of myself. every step i take is heavy, and feels heavier. things i used to look forward to don't excite me anymore. i've been taking some time off, seen people to get help. i'm still trying to be active... pushing the pon, goofy persona aside for a moment... this sphere, even if big and growing, is still relatively new, and i wonder if i'll ever find a place for myself where i can be genuinely accepted. can i belong somewhere? should i belong somewhere? over five years of witnessing everything move in front of my eyes. the good. the bad. it's tiresome. i've always wanted to do more. meet people. real people. connect together. create cool things. make others smile even when i'm not smiling myself. i've already thought about just ignoring everything and stop caring, that's what most people do. they pretend they don't see, i can't blame them... but i can't do the same. it's been so, so tough for me lately and i don't know what to do. i'm glad i'm still around, even if i'm not sure for how long. in the big scheme of things, i'm just another speck in the sand. i could really use a hug without letting go. a whole months' worth of a hug. i'll be on and off. i'm sorry.
