>>9650353>I've never gotten pleasure from helping people. One of two things:
1)You might have been helping others by bringing damage to yourself - the best way to trigger the endorphin is to do something for others that cost you next to nothing and means a lot to them. This is why rich people get tremendous pleasure out of being paypigs while for the average NEET is a source of suffering.
2) You fucked in the head. It happens. I recommend you to stop and focus on yourself entirely and only help others if things will be worse for you if you don't.
For what you say, it seems to be a little of both.
The core of the problem is that you don't seem to know what makes you happy and you have been doing things that make you unhappy for the sake of others.
For what I read, lots of them, and for quite long.
This should be obvious but you should live for yourself and for yourself alone. Stop trying to be what you think is "normal". Being a homeless drunk is better than your current state.
You don't need friends? Don't seek them. You are making both you and them a favor.
You don't have a reason to work out? Don't. Be a fucking slob.
Don't need high income? Realize this gives you power: you can quit when ever you want, which means you cannot be manipulated by your boss or your coworkers. You have fuck you money, and one that, you might even be able to walk away without a two week notice.
You are so obsessed about being used because you lack agency. You are not doing what you want and you are living for others. Start living for yourself and maybe you will mind less.
If you don't decide for yourself what the meaning of your life is someone else will
