I want to vent a bit
I've been following Hololive since 2020, mainly the EN side. I think I'm starting fall out of love for hololive, and honestly vtuber in general. To be fair, I mostly just follow hololive.
It was really fun at first. The girls are really charming and cute. It's really fun to watch them and follow along their journey. I watch Myth since their early days, though I missed their debut. Then IRyS debuted, nice a debut I can watch live.
I watch her debut and watch her streams. I thought, "wow...this girl is wack lol, I like her". Before I knew it, she's my oshi. Love her humor, quirks and how she's unabashedly an otaku. Her singing is so soothing. Then I watch council debuted.
"Wow more member to the party". I was excited. Their debut was literally midnight till dawn for me, but I powered through because myth and IRyS had been great, so I thought they're worth it. And they are worth it. More charming funny member joined.
I particulary like Sana. She's so cheerful and sassy. I really like her. I really like the time she and Mori did endurance stream together to shiny hunt. I thought, "wow, this girl knows how to talk, nice". She's like the sunshine in council. Then her graduation happened.
I was very sad. I thought, "wha...what do you mean? Graduate?". This is the first time I watch a vtuber I really like graduate, and man...it hits really hard. I was sad, extremely sad. I cried while watching and after her graduation stream. But, I can take it. She made great memories with the other girls and had proper sand off. We luckily get to day good bye to her with good farewell. I know she's doing well now. All I can say is I'm glad and I'm happy for her. The other girls are still there, so I gotta keep cheering for them
Fast forward a bit, the Holostars EN got announce. I thought, "oh we're getting boys now, very nice". I watch their debut and I really like them. I particullary really like Vesper and Magni. I would even call them my Holostars Oshi. Ther're weird and funny, I really like them. Vesper is old and FEELS old. He feels like the crazy uncle you see in tv. But he exudes a warm welcoming feel. I really like he's zatsu streams. He talks about he's crazy experience and use old references that I don't get, but he's always enthusiastic about it, that I still enjoy it. Magni is a weirdo. He always tries to put on a performance. The way he always tries to make a bit. I really like it. He's also crazy creative. The stuff he does and the things he comes up with are crazy and fun. I also really like the weird noises he makes.
Fast forward a bit to the time they suddenly stop streamming with no news whatsoever. I still tried to keep a positive mind, "surely they'll be back, they're probably just taking a break". And sure enough, they did came back...for a bit. Then there's their graduation. No graduation stream, no good bye, no word whatsoever from Magni and Vesper. It's not even a termination, they graduated on mutual term with the company. This was during my final project period of University, I have so much to think about so I thought "I...I need to do my final project".
I tried to put my feelings aside about their graduation...but I couldn't. That night I just lay in my room unable to process what happened. Funny thing is, I didn't feel sad, I felt empty. Like, the thing I decided to be a part of me just suddenly gone. Just...empty...
I guess that's the feeling of loosing people I genuinely thought as my oshi. After that, I couldn't see Holostars the same way. Nothing wrong with the rest of the boys, they're still great streamers. I just...can't...doesn't feels right without the 2 guys.
I think it's from then that start to fall out of love for vtuber. It hurts too much. I hadn't really realize it then, I still watch IRyS, she's still my oshi. But...it slowly dies down. The love and excitement I felt for vtuber starts to fade away from then on. It just...hurts. It hurts to remember and wonder "what if they didn't gradute? If only they're here still interacting and having fun with the others". I guess this is getting into dangerous parasocial teritory. But I always remind myself, I like them as entertainer, keep boundry. Fast forward today, with many graduation. I start to think "why do I even care? Should I still care if I only going to say good bye?". Yes there's the saying 'nothing last forever', but multiple graduation in a year is too much. I barely process the last graduation and more comes.
Right now I mainly just watch IRyS, sometimes the new girls. But somehow the new girls doesn't spark same joy and excitement as before. Not their fault, it's a me problem. Right now IRyS is my last hope (pun intented). If she graduate...I think I'll give up vtuber alltogether.
