(The next part was both easy and difficult to write. It might be a bit personal but there are no yabes.)
From one heretic to another, heretics do it to themselves.
I am a romantic in a traditional sense. People may disagree and even you may disagree but art flows from the mind of the artist. The art and the artist are not detachable. Hearing your story and witnessing your art, I see nothing but beauty in it. Your art shows you are a clever, creative and interesting, person with a clear vision for goodness. Potential hypocrisy here and there included. I think your personality, the personality that has brought about this story and art, is beautiful. I have no qualms saying it, nor do I think I'm delusional in thinking it. I don't have a doubt that your personality can be very ugly when you want it to be. But the presence of evil doesn't mean the absence of good. It's the contrast that makes you human and all-round, I believe you to be quite a good one. Perhaps when you were out and about taking people's lives you may have been a bit of a villain. A little evil comes with self-assertion and it can't be helped. And what if you slack sometimes, what if you sometimes think bad thoughts, what if you sometimes underperform or are forced to underdeliver on promises? You're human. Don't think you're a faillure for not being the textbook example of the perfect person, or even a 'normal' person for that matter. Everyone slacks but I don't believe for a second that you don't try. The clear amount of behind the scenes work you've done for your genmates and all of them unanimously and, from what I can tell, genuinely speaking positivly about you at every turn. The fact you were (mostly) voluntarily doing 3 things at the same time at one point, while you could have just taken the holomoney and ran with it. Even now you're still going strong with future plans. All of that combined and your general work ethic, dilligence, vision and self-critiscism are more than enough proof to me that you are a good person. You deserve all the kindness and if anything, you're only now getting the recognition you deserve.
So stop being so hard o n* yourself. Pretty sure you've heard that enough by now but that doesn't make it any less true. You are not perfect, nor do you need to be. Difference between having high standards and chasing perfection or infintity. Usually doesn't end well. I don't want to see you end up like another Icarus. It depends on you however. I'm not telling you to do anything. Your life is your life and yours alone. You don't owe me or the other dead beats anything. But please allow me to be selfish and to voice my concerns. Perhaps you need the pursuit of perfection and that constant pressure to perform to prevent yourself from getting complacent. If that is the life you choose then that is fine. It's strange but sometimes you almost seem guilty about it. Like there's something wrong with choosing your own life or with being yourself. There's a little evil in self-assertion, It can't be helped. I don't want you to feel guilt or regrets. I want you to be honest with yourself. If you want, you can lie to us as much as you like, doesn't bother me, but I don't want you to lie to yourself. And I know you don't like doing that either. If you need a break, I want you to take it. If you need help, I want you to take it. I don't want you to feel like you're alone because you're not. When I say that I want you to stop chasing perfection, I'm not saying that you should be complacent. Quite the opposite. I want you to be tough on yourself. Very tough even. I want you to push yourself. I want you to take up new challenges. I want you to strive for greatness. I want to see you shine, and I want to see you shine bright. I want you to prove anyone who doubts you wrong. I don't think you would have it any other way. But I also want you to remember to be realistic. You are one person. You can't always be at your best. You won't always be able to deliver on your promises. You won't always be happy or have confidence. There are times when you will feel lonely and defeated. You will doubt yourself at some point and it's fine. Just know that somewhere in the world, even if you don't, there's someone who believes in you. With all his heart. No matter what. And I'm not alone. Dead beats, let her hear it! Cheer for her and cheer loud! If you believe in her then tell her now! But only if you mean it. Your boy has no need for pretty little lies. Never give up and never underestimate yourself. There are people who believe in you. Not because they have to, but because they want to. Because they recognize how awesome you can be and how awesome you already are. You may be a goofball but you're our goofball. You may be only one person but you have the power to inspire people and to help them change their lives for the better. If that isn't what a good person is then I don't know what is.
