>>1710520You need to work on your line thickness more. Most of your lines are incredibly thin. You also need to smooth the lines out some more, as there are a number of kinks, especially on the longer hair and clothes lines. Minimize nodes and maximize handles to achieve this. Get in the habit of making the thicknesses consistent between separate areas of an image. Pick a thickness for the hair, clothes, skin, etc. and keep the lines for each area as similar to that thickness as possible.
Also, you are using the single node lines to connect the hair a little too much. A lot of the hair looks obviously disconnected. It is better if you just connect them like in the original.
For the face line, you need to make it look less bulky and get a consistent thickness. Create the eye lines with the circle tool, and make the iris nice and smooth as well.
Here are some of my points illustrated.
