>>1955985my family
i'm awful to them in an attempt to distance myself from them so they might not feel as bad when i finally grow a set and put one between the eyes, but they've not relented in loving me and it hurts because i really just want to die and my life is a continuing cycle of meaningless work and the occasional video game but despite all this they still love me and i love them which is why i haven't killed myself but i don't want them to feel awful when i die since i'm their only child and i know how they'd look at my old room or old pictures of me and i know what that does to a person and i know suicide is selfish but the only thing that's kept me going is the thought that thing might get better and all i do is sit and watch it go by and nothing is changing and it feels awful
sometimes i hate myself for talking about how i feel too much because i know how it gets on the nerves of people and i hate myself when people listen because it feels like theyre just wasting their breath and it's this awful fucking duality in my life that i can't handle and nothing is changing
i hope life is just a prologue to something bigger
