>>8098749im wasting my life by staying at home all day all night because i fear judgement by others.
Mother always protected me under her umbrella, that at every storm it gets weaker and weaker. She makes everything for me, even basic choices.
She controlls me.
She does it for my best, yet i dont feel loved.
In the outside world, it's worse. I feel observed, i feel watched, i feel analized by bystanders, strangers, friends, parents..
im seeking love by meeting girls. If i manage that.
I ruined friendships with girls, i ruined them because i wanted love from them. Only that, not caring their feelings, just my selfish approval by others.
im convinced that i dont deserve to be loved, so i just follow the path of life that god made for me. The same boring everyday life, that goes on repeat and repeat..
i don't have a part time job. I tried to applicate and just entering the store i almost passed out. Going outside is a nightmare.
guess im a neet.
and im going to be 20 years old.
heaven knows that im misreable now.
