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I doubt any of you guys will understand this, this is 4Chan.
Last year I got out of an abusive relationship with the worst kind of gaslighting narcissist, who incredibly fucked with me head. I was going to therapy for a bipolar disorder I don't even have, just because I wasn't in a good mood around her the last year and a half.
So, I basically just smashed ass all of last year. That's what I was doing before I met her too. I do porn now (like actually), and I just found myself in an open relationship with a total cutie who herself got out of an abusive thing, and we're making bank with it, but I straight up just do not trust this girl (we've been hanging out for 3 months, just called it official last week). I think I'm pretty emotionally damaged from my last relationship, and kind of worried that it's permanent. Maybe I'm just fucked up. Or maybe my gut is right? I hate having someone on my mind like this with my gut screaming at me that she isn't being straight up. It's what I'm used to, so it's confusing.
I wish I could explain this to people on here, but a lot of the times sex isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sometimes it causes more problems emotionally than it does alleviate them. I know it's the 'be all end all' to some, especially if it's on a pedestal and a challenge, but the real prize is being at a point with yourself where you know it's not an issue for you to find... and once you're at peace with yourself like that, sometimes you don't even want it... but do it anyways because "hey, it's sex, it'll make me feel good about myself."
Sometimes it's even lonelier.
