>>7299672>I don't have social anxiety, I have no problem striking up conversation with customers at work, or even random people out in the world. I'm generally seen as friendly by co-workers and the like. The problem is that when I talk to people I don't feel anything, it's almost like I'm talking to a computer program, there's a real emotional disconnect. Outside of work, I isolate. I don't want to be around anyone or deal with people and the world at all. This completely but the one painful difference is that I am so incredibly lonely and want to find one person out there, just one, who I am fine with. I've never been in a relationship for this reason, since I haven't met anyone I cared for enough, and I have few friends because I can't seem to care enough to follow up with them.
And yet.
It kills me inside. There's a girl, a best friend, who I had no love interest at first. She seems like she's different from me in this fundamental way and yet still we talk for hours until sunrise and we text for hours. She's absolutely gorgeous and I see men staring at her as she walks by and I really fucking wish I didn't feel anything for her. But just, she is the first one in my life who ever showed that she cared about me, I cried in front of her as I told her my insecurities for the first time to anyone ever, and when she fell asleep on my shoulder outside, in the cold, she told me she could've slept there comfortably till morning and i brought her back to my room where she slept on my chest holding my hand while I stayed awake the whole night because I didn't want it to end. And now I won't see her for a while and I fucking miss her and I don't know if I should pursue this and if she even fuckin feels the same way about me because she's made it clear she's not looking for a relationship since her last one hurt. And God even if all this shit was answered, I feel like I'm inadequate for her. Why me when she can have any other guy in the world? I just want to die.
