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Im heading back into a familiar pattern now that ive been forced out of NEETdom into wagecuckery but I was a NEET too long. I dont want to be friendly. I cant commit to a friendship, much less to a conversation lasting longer than a few minutes, I just want to be alone. But I also feel like shit for being snubbed for NOT being friendly. On the days when I try to fake it, I dont even know what to say and the things I DO say dont make any sense. Despite this, there are a few [spoiler:lit]guys[/spoiler:lit] sniffing around for a relationship. Im lonely and touch-starved but getting into any sort of relationship isnt going to end well because I refuse to compromise and dont want a potential ex telling people I have to see 5 days a week how weird I REALLY am, making the isolation worse. But its hard to fight the instinct to connect even if I dont deserve it and know it
I want to be comforted but im too awkward/socially-retarded/uncomfortable offering comfort in return, I really shouldnt have friends or anything more than that at all. So I try to avoid it. But if anyone made a move, i'd be hardpressed to say know. Pretty sure my body would assume direct control just to get me laid, consequences be damned. The whole deal is making me panicky,anxious and depressed which is making me looking even weirder. I have no clue what to do about it but I feel the pressure building
